July 21, 2006
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How dysfunctional can my family get?
So after telling me that she never wants to see me, talk to me, or hear
about me again and calling me a slut and a whore a week and a half ago,
my mom decided to call me today. At work.To remind me that she never wants to see me again, that my brothers don't either, and that I'm a whore. At work.
What's weird is that since I was at work and didn't want to cause a
scene [I told her I was at work, but of course she didn't care...she
just went right on screaming at me], I just calmly agreed with
everything she said.Apparently this made her even angrier and she hung up on me.
Maybe I should have agreed last time too, instead of getting upset.
My question is... what the heck does she want from me? If she
never wants to talk to me again, I really wish she'd just never talk to
me again. It'd make life easier.It's hard not to think, "My life fucking sucks right now," in these tender moments of family love.
Comments (72)
perhaps she wants you back? it's a love/hate relationship!
You should be like... yes mother I am a whore...
Just give her what she wants....
Ohh well. Thats what I have to do with my family....
kinda makes me sad. parents should be good to their daughters.
i feel you hon...but it's the weekend, treat yourself out. you deserve it..have a good one!
=( i dunno what to say...
Aw that sucks.
I wonder if this is cultural?
A girl I dated used to stalk me (when i wasnt stalking her) and one of the things she would do is call all my numbers again and again. When she would finally block her caller ID and I would pick up, walking down a dark street at 2am she would then fling over the phone...
You are avoiding me?
You are PISSED?
You are pissed that I'm fucking, and I'm not fucking YOU?
Well guess what?
I am CUTTING YOU OFF!
(hangs up)
Me, bewildered, deer in the headlights... "You called every hours for three days and when I pick up... it was to tell me you are cutting me off?" Dear God, please end this charade and kill me?
Please? Why am I here?
I realized why now, and with her I guess I served my purpose...
So your mom calls you at work to tell you she never wants to speak to you again, JUST in case you forgot....
Dont forget... that Mom aint speaking to you!
Silly, people are silly. Go out tonight and drink, have fun and maybe get some! I'm going to arrange my tupperware and clean my dorm room again. Its very soothing!
She deeply wants you back, and has real denial issues about things that happened with your father. When the time is right, tell her you forgive her inappropriate screeching or whatever, and you understand that she is upset at your father rather than you. That lets her off the hook (and is no doubt true). It's sad that there has to be interfamilial competition, but you must contact your siblings ASAP with your side of the story, and at least explain it to them. They may or may not defend you against your mother if she tries politicking them, but you should contact them ASAP to just tell them why she might be saying negative things against you. (While I've been writing this, "Dr Phil" has had the real Dr Laura on the radio in the background).
maybe you should change your number. oh and i haven't seen you in a while. come out and play.
are you viet by any chance?? cause dammit.. my mom goes thru the same phase from time to time. i just ignore and let her get over it.
I think you should move away to vegas.
i think she's in denial.
my family have this kind of problem too, but mostly they do something like "diss until proven wrong" thing.
To prevent this from happening, the first thing I'll do when I have enough money to strike it out on my own is to disown my family. Then I can be the crazy person who screams into the phone while the person at the other end is at work and cause everyone distress and pain.
But no, really, just change your number. That's good advice.
I think Caka is right on the money with this one. The truth is that the opposite of Love is not Hate. It is indifference. So she loves you if she shows such strong emotion but is mad at you for some reason. It would take a long while, but if you never lash back with harmful words, you will reach her heart and things can be fixed [over the course of time. Not overnight]
stick with your friends... you can't choose your family.. your friends are tried and true.
if your family sucks.. it is NOT.. your.. fault.
-remember that
she needs something to balance her hormones.
That's very silly of her. It doesn't even make sense. If she didn't want to talk to you, then she wouldn't. Your mom is confused. Personally, I would just ignore her until she came to her senses.
Just go get drunk and smoke some pot. Then you'll (temporarily) forget all about it. She's just trying to make you feel as bad as she does right now.
don't listen to the words, hear the action. she's contacting you but her pride stands in the way. it's easy to figure out what she wants. it's more difficult to decide what you'll do. g'luck.
what did I miss that your own mother would call you a whore?
she's having doubts about not having you in her life anymore. she'll probably come around soon and pretend that nothing ever happenned.
I feel the love. good to see family values at work.
mom's are crazy and they said hurtful stuff. I have no idea why. I think it's cuz deep down their despersate for our attention. And when you don't respond, they only know of one way to get to you... is to say hurtful stuff... isn't that how it is with most relationships with anyone...?
Poor gurly. *pat pat* Family is tough. =T
[Field]
that sucks. try to find some good counseling
She wants to get a rise out of you. Because you didn't give her what she wanted, she only got more mad. Good job keeping your cool.
sorry about ur parents, i think all parents can be a real pain in the ass at times.
=
moms should ALWAYS be on your side
*sorry to hear that*
i deal with "this perosn" all the time what they want you to do is get mad withthe so they feel justified then when all the steam blows over they want you to apologive even if your right now i know "the system" sucks but it works trust e on this one
Some people commenting above are just plain stupid. I'm sorry about what's happening. It's hard when those things come from family members because we always have that "obligation" to love them. But loving them doesn't mean that we should accept certain actions or allow ourselves to get beat up all the time. I'm not saying that to encourage you to yell back at her, just to validate that the crap you're going through isn't necessarily deserved. Sorry, no real good advice from me today, but I hope things settle down for both you and your mom.
hope things get better.
I don’t know what the dynamics are behind all of this drama, but I would hazard a guess that your mom actually misses you but doesn’t want to admit it, because she’s still angry or whatever it is that caused all of this.
Don't be sad, I guess this belongs in the cars section, But save it for a rainy day!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90783
Good stuff, feel better.
=/ how come she's mad?
my mother has done the same. i used to get so frustrated because it was like she was playing games. anyway, she still cares.. that's just her way of coping with the fact that you're not there. she wants to talk to you, yet she has pride.. therefore she talks to you in this manner to save face.
maybe she's just feeling out of sorts for the moment.. and you happen to be at work
i used to be like that with my mom.. man i don't kno how many times she kicked me out of the house or changed the locks on me... but i could tell that deep inside she cared for me... how do i kno? cause she always forgave me .
Ah, I can relate to the level of dysfuntion you're facing with your family.
But then again, whose family isn't all that dysfunctional?
She wants you to feel extremely remorseful for seeing your birth father. But since you showed her that words such as slut and whore had no effect, she got even more pissed.
why are mom's like this? especially asian ones.. blah, they swing more than kids on a playground
You should become rich, and show her what you've made yourself into. That's the biggest pwnage slap in teh face.
You will not need her.
pretty dysfunctional o.O
there are things that should stay private in your life.
i will adopt you into my vietnamese family, my mom is slightly crazy, but has yet to disown me. maybe i can get disowned and we can make our own crazy vietnamese family + brent. wooohoo.
Man that really sucks....but I think that's just her way of trying to get you back. It sounds like she doesn't know how to reach you so anger is the only way. Try to make peace with her...
she doesn't mean what she says. she wants you to open up and maybe even apologize for making her upset. moms are tought cookies. let time cool it off and talk to her when you are ready.
That's not fair. Does she really think you're a whore, or is it just an "insult to insult" thing? Also, I think Enigma Heart is correct, Mom's sometimes don't get enough attention.
Random visitor:
I've learned that sometimes you can never satisfy your parents not matter WHAT you do. I completely understand what you're going through. Yes, it's easier to not have her talk to you at all....but in the end..she IS your mom. That is something that's hard to let go. Wish you the best.
write a letter and hope she reads it. So then you don't have to worry about shouting over her.
I'm guessing her and your father had a rough divorce
Being a whiteboy I'm not to savvy on asian culture (although I do have an asian fetish and I do take my shoes off at the door =]).
But she may be looking for you to come begging on your knees for forgiveness, not that you should do that.
Sounds more to me like she's just really confused and there may not be much you can do if that's the case. Perhaps find a way to show her you love her but yet will not change your ways or whatever happened.
Hey, J’adore the Xanga, very cute! Please visit mine and feel free to comment and e-prop
http://www.xanga.com/BFF_and_Heiress
All our love,
The Marachio Sisters
Wow...sounds like something my mom would do.
I don't understand Asian parents >_>
Family is an odd, odd thing. x_x
IM GAY
DONT HATE, BITCH
I LIKES MEN
THEY SUCK MY DICK
I SUCK THEIRS
CUM IN MY MOUTH
crazee. just keep agreeing with her and frustrate the h*ll out of her.
i'm sorry to hear that you have a mother like that. it sounds to me like you're better off without her
Oh my goodness, I use to go through that all the time!!!!!!!!!! My mom and I were worse than oil and water. She would call me all kind of names. SHe would treat men better than her daughter and was always jealous of me. Een at my first college graduation she had something smart to say. Well last November, the Philadelphia police department was throwing a ribute to my father who was a police officer killed in the line of duty. Shi, She showed her ass! They did not pay her much attention cuz when he was killed they were divorced, so all the attention was on me... She had a fit. I was every B in the book.. I was so hurt that I have not spoken to her since that day. And I wrote her a letter telling her that as of the day she recieved the letter, she was dead to me. Im okay with it. It is NEVER okay for a mother to put her child down no matter what age. This year on mother's day, she mailed me a card and I discarded it! I am just tired of being hurt.
"mom's are crazy and they said hurtful stuff." That's not true! I don't know what world you come from, but my mom doesn't say hurtful stuff and she's not crazy. Not every mom says hurtful stuff, My_Enigma_heart
i would say, "ok i get it now leave me alone!!" cuz my moms annoying 2 =( well hope ya take my advice
i would've hung up on my mom if she did that. sounds like you really want to work things out w/ her.. but under the circumstances, you could've explained you're at work once then hung up. call her back later at a convenient time and fight about it.
well, feel free to vent to your boyfriend anytime
that's so horrible! im so sorry! =(
Randam xanga-er-passerby-er..
Read this post annndd well... I think she just needs some time to like think it over and her calling you at work was probably her venting her steam out. I dunno what happened between u two but if it's the same like me and my dad, hopefully she'll accept you again soon.
...
If that doesn't work, then like... damn.
/hug
b/c words sometimes isn't enuf
She's your mother...no explanation.
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